What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
