I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
