He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
