I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
