Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
