i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
