apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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