You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
