Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
