nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
