do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
