Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
