so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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