Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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