Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
