i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
