Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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