Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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