if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
