I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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