Welp...herpes.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
