Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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