you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
