I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
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There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
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I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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