listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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