Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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