if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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