96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
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if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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