just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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