the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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