I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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