So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize