You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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