come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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