Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
