I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
