In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
