she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
