And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
