I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I think people are normalizing furries
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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