Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
