I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
