He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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