Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You can't just leave with hair like that
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
