i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
