she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
