you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
