I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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