Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
