if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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