You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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