I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
