Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
