Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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