yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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