So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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