I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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