She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
