I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
