I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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