Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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