Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
