I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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