my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I would ride that face into the sunset
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
