I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
