ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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