i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
